Jas' maternal grandmother passed away on Monday. She was cremated today at the Mandai Crematorium.
To be honest, I hardly knew her. Every year, during Chinese New Year, we visit her together with the big family of which she is the matriarch. My mother-in-law has 6 siblings, and some of them are grandparents themselves, so you can imagine the uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews that gather at her place. It has been a rowdy experience every year as far as I can remember. Most of the younger generation will be gambling at blackjack at a huge table, some will be watching the television programmes while munching on Chinese New Year goodies. Some will be chatting over lunch in the kitchen while the toddlers will be running around.
I don't think I ever spoke directly to her much, I don't really understand her dialect and accent; I had to rely on my mother-in-law to act as interpreter most of the time. She was not the jovial and engaging type, but neither was she the grouchy old woman. She was, with the lack of a better word, contented and happy to see her whole family. My everlasting memory of her is she sitting by herself, not really participating in anything, but watching over everything with a smile. Of course, I am a late addition to this big extended family, and I do not dare to presume that my impressions of her describe her fully. Jas and her cousins have spent a much longer period of time with her, and I can see that they all have great affection for 阿嬤.
A big family has its own problems, and even during the wake, there were undercurrents of grudges and dissatisfaction with one another among the older generation. Nevertheless, I was struck by how the family banded together during this sensitive times. Things that needed to be done were completed with a minimum of fuss, and everybody chipped in to help. Most importantly, there was light bantering that could only have come from people who have known each other their entire lives.
I will spare you the cliche of how fleeting life is, and how we should make full use of our lives yada yada yada, but I think a wake is so much more than just lament for a life past. It is a celebration of a life lived. It is a remembrance of memories shared. Most importantly, it is a re-affirmation of the bonds that ties us. The bonds of family.
I would like to think that she would have been well pleased and heartened if she had seen how the bonds remain to be strong. Rest in peace, 阿嬤
